The Book Of If

 I have decided to write a blog with actual thoughts in it. It's called The Book Of If and I will actually be sharing with some people, if they want to know about it. Again, I don't expect to change people's lives with my genius, but (unlike this dribble) it will be something I want the outside world to see. Unfortunately that means they will also be able to find this. This....weird shit. I haven't even said too many funny things here. And funny is pretty much all I got. I guess I should probably write about things that people may not know. It still bothers me to say "write." It's not really writing. Moving On.
 I don't generally drink soda. My sophomore year my kidneys tried to go on strike and a doctor told me I couldn't have caffeine anymore. So I cut out all caffeine. Then when I was pregnant I craved Pepsi like crack. Not that I've ever craved crack. Now Pepsi is still a weakness for me.
 I like peanut butter and chocolate but never together. I think it's weird that people put them together. And gross.
 I have an obsession for movies and music. I know most music aside from country cause it sucks. And I use movie lines to express almost everything I'm thinking.  I like horror movies most. Some hilarious movies and a very small amount of dramas. They have to be amazing and different.
 I'm a bitch. I can be very nice, but when I'm with people I'm very comfortable with I say what I'm thinking which is usually not good. I get a lot of grief about this, but I can't be any other way. I am kind of mean to people I like. I like to tease people. If I don't tease you, I may secretly hate you. I'm polite to you so you'll go away. I feel like people who act happy and tickled all the time are fake and lying to themselves and the rest of the world. No one is happy all the time. It's not like I'm sad though. I'm like my dad. Dark sense of humor and off color morale.
 I am nostalgic. I like finding things that remind me of being a kid again. I spend too much time and money on this hobby.
 I am left handed. I do several things with my right hand. I've heard only 11% of the world is left handed. In kindergarten my teacher tried to tell my mom I was dyslexic and they tried to make me write right handed. It just made me write backwards.
 My parents divorced when I was 7. I remember thinking "Why can't they just say they're sorry and get over it?" I was upset for a long time. But slowly my memories came back and I realized my parents were better off. They are, in fact, better friends now. Mom raised me, but I've always been a Daddy's girl. I used to go fishing with my dad and arrow head hunting. And as a kid I thought my mother didn't like me because she didn't want to play with me. Now I know that my mom was always depressed because of dramatic fights between her and dad. Dad always acted like it wasn't happening so we were good. My only really vivid memory of one of their fights I told my mom not to cry because it made me cry and I gave her my teddy bear.
 I have 5 birth marks. Freakin 5. A really dark patch of skin on the top of my right foot that's shaped like a teddy bear's head. A red lightning bolt shape on the inside of my left thigh. A large perfect oval just above my ass. A small Australia shaped spot on the left side of my rib cage. And a spot on my scalp that causes a very light strand of hair.
 I'm a great friend, but an awful girlfriend. I've improved greatly as a wife. But in the past I treated relationships like burdens. I treat my friends pretty good, but I looked down on boyfriends like they were beneath me (a little pun intended). I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I had a habit of dating guys who were best friends with me and instantly my attitude would change towards them. All of sudden the funny things they said or did before were embarrassing now and I hated them for it. As a wife, I don't worry about that now.
 That's a fair amount of junk about me. The new blog that I will be "writing" I want to share because I'm writing it for my mom. Her health is so-so. I don't expect to lose her anytime soon, but it's got me thinking about it. The Book Of If is a book we discovered a long time ago. We take it on road trips and camping; basically anytime we know we're going to need to kill time. It's a book of questions. We read it aloud and find out how everyone would answer. For example "If you were allowed to eat only one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?" Stuff like that. It seems like something I can easily make a blog about. God, blog is such a stupid word. I don't think this new blog will seem amazing or insightful to anyone. I just feel like writ- typing it. That's better.