Eventually.

    Eventually is a good word. It gives you hope. There is no specific time frame for "eventually" but you know it will happen someday. If there's one thing I've learned in nearly 30 years, it's that things always get better....eventually. I'm willing to admit that I'm not entirely sane, but I don't think most people are. It all depends on how you deal with it, I suppose. I've had my share of "the blues." I get down. I used to be down all the time. I kind of think I still am, but I've found a way to get over it a little. Some days are better than others. As a teenager I was a dramatic, emotional mess. That's improved greatly! I find that the older I get, the less sad I am and the more "I don't give a shit." I am. Maybe that's good, maybe not. The point is, every time I've been down and thought life cannot possibly get worse and in no way will it ever get better.....it did! Holy shit, did it. It's gotten so much worse...and then....better. Totally fucking better out of no where. Acceptance is a big part. You have to let things go and let them get better.

    Speaking of which, my situation with my mother has improved. It took a long talk, some admitting of fault, and some clearing up. Things seem good now. I have a shitty attitude, honestly. I need to work on it. But then there's the "I don't give a shit" bubbling up. Things to work on? No way....what for....who cares? My husband and I have things to work on. I don't want to work on it anymore though, honestly. I want it to be fine or not at all. Terrible way to look at things isn't it? Maybe I'm getting old. Don't want to bother with anything because I'm lazy. Or maybe I'm too old for this shit? I have noticed that I don't cry as much now. I used to cry every time I got upset. Now, it's like I don't care enough to cry. I don't know what's going on with me.

    When I have friends who are down, it really bothers me. I feel like if I could have survived the shit I dealt with, surely I can help them. Not that I have this profound effect on people. They pretty much never listen to me and I end not helping them at all. But I am persistent! I don't let people who feel sorry for themselves continue. That shit needs to be stopped, says I. I'm probably pretty goddamn annoying to people. Ah, I don't give a shit. It's going to get better....eventually!